Christmas Carol Catastrophe

Daddy saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
underneath the mistle-toe last night
Now my sister and I stay with Daddy
and see mommy only on weekends

Frosty the snowman, with his corn-cob pipe
fell victim to a nasty smoking habit,
lost a coal eye in exchange for tobacco
which gave him lung cancer
and melted into a pile of black soot

The fire is so delightful and we wished for snow
it snowed and didn't let up for thirteen days
We couldn't get outside, the heat stopped
and we didn't ration wisely
So we promised to hold each other tight
and that's how the rescuers found two frozen bodies

November 30, 2006

My Heart Belongs To Another

Your heart belongs to another
is the story of my life
Or maybe its that you just didn't notice me
Perhaps this awkward friendship is better
There are no more strained silences
We're on our way back to normal

"His heart belongs to another"
words mighty enough to derail one more
disillusioned crush
we survey the "crush" scene
and pick up the pieces of a broken heart
Sweep away the tears, wash your sorrow in
Chunky-Monkey

My heart belongs to another
followed by the words,
"Its not you, its me"
deliver a foundation-shattering blow
causing yet one more name and heart
to be added to the rejection list
A list that is reviewed from time to time,
causing strength that came from lessons learned
to be remembered

Her heart belongs to another
and is not easily attained
Although attraction may seem like the key
the lock is deeper within
He's taught her to guard her heart
against ones who would break it without a care

Their hearts belong to each other
the waiting is over for them
With the love they found in one another,
they know every heart break was preparing them
so the love shared would be able to fill
all the broken spaces

November 30, 2006

A Night Of Memories

A trilling pitch, a chord is struck
as songs are sung about cherished memories
The memories are just another writer's
fantasies
Art of different forms come together,
one room holds a thousand masterpieces
Creations of inspiration are manipulated by the artists
able to be changed, erased and edited
for later use
Words scribbled on a piece of paper
or a brown paper bag
Pictures recording moments of true friendship
Laughter emits from the mixed voices
left to hang in the air
and settle in the walls
What if these walls could talk
would they tell of times such as these
when there was music, laughter and captured moments?
Alas, it is not to be
so the storytelling of times already passed
falls to me
May it be that I have done a job worthy of the memories made.

November 29, 2006

Ship In A Bottle

A storm is raging
can you see it slowly destroying?
Winds are churning the waves,
these in turn batter the ships.

This ship is in a bottle
unmoved by the battles outside.
Threatened by the outer storms,
it hides within itself.

The glass begins to fog
a storm picks up inside.
How much can the boards withstand?
Boards placed to keep the ship safe.

Clumsily, the bottle is bumped
it crashes to the floor, spilling the contents.
The ship is thrown into the raging seas,
forced to fight against the storms.

It courageously fights the pelting rains,
the blasting winds and crashing waves.
Still the battle of self continues,
pushed farther within itself,
saving strength for battles outside.

What the little ship cannot see
is the damage it's doing to itself.
Ignorance has cause the ruin to spread deeper
destroying the vessel from the inside out.

This ship, once in a bottle,
has not been trained to fight multiple battles.
Its inexperience seems to bring its demise.

What the winds do not know
is they didn't sink the ship;
it sank as it broke in two
under the pressure of self-accomplishment
and the reality of incapability.

November 26, 2006

The Storybook Girl

Pages marked and filled,
ink spots are the remainders of sweet nothings
sweet promises that turned into
nothing
I tried to tell you, little girl,
"your life is a page
that men will want to write on"*
You paste a smile over the rifts
and try to erase the hurt,
but it runs deeper than the thin pages
Your pages stay open,
blindly wishing the hurt away
and for the contributors to take more care
Some chapters are unread
although the Prince Charmings have tried,
they cannot unlock the mystery held inside
Other pages are unwritten
unstained by fairy tale love
These are waiting for the true fairy tale
where you can live with your prince
'Happily Ever After'

*Quoted from the song "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" performed in "The Sound of Music" (1965)

November 24, 2006

Wounded Heart

I showed you my heart
a gaping, open wound
You laughed and said
don't be so silly
Its not like I cared,
I just thought I could trust
thinking I had found something
worth investing hope in

November 21, 2006

I Lift My Eyes Up

I look in the mirror and see
many different things
looking back at me

Two monsters standing there
one too large to fit in the frame,
the other so thin, she's barely there

A dancer in chains
confined without hope of freedom
her tears falling like rain

A girl with a painted grin
afraid of being hurt
not letting anyone in

Many more things I face
horrified by their features
I stand frozen in place

I hear a voice calling
I lift my eyes up
and see I'm falling

Above me there is one
filled with love and beauty
he is my father and the Son

I lift my eyes up and come
out of the despair
and dark places I've run from

So I'll try to keep
my gaze fixed on him:
the one who'll help me sleep.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Ps. 121:1 & 2

November 19, 2006

A Handful of Treasure

I close my hand
Clutching tightly to the treasure within
As I pass by others
I share some of what I hold
They in turn, share with me their treasures

I'm always careful though,
Of how much I give
And what others are allowed to take
What I hold is precious
When invested properly, the benefits are untold millions

As I go along, meeting and greeting
My grip loosens and the treasure begins to slip
I become aware of this and try in vain to hold on harder
Like tiny grains it slips out of my grasp
A few at first and then the floodgates seem to be loosed

For you see, it was never mine to hold
Never mine to replenish and ration
We all try in vain to hold on to time
Such a rare thing, vanishing before our eyes

Make the moments count
That's what we always say, for all too soon they are gone
We invest our time in others and the reward is relationships
Too often we invest time in trivial and vain things
Things that turn brittle and break with the ever passing time

I close my hand
Clutching tightly to the treasure within
Hand in hand we walk towards the rest of our time
Whether we have a few grains or a whole storehouse left
We'll walk together
Hand in hand

November 10, 2006

Untitled

I fall, again and again
Each time I pull myself up
Each time I use a broken ladder.

Like blinders I excuse my actions
I blame the media, temptation and myself
I know what’s right, but choose wrong

Your arms never tire of holding me
You never turn me away
You pick me up, dust me off, then watch as I fall
Again

This cycle has become so familiar
The deed, the guilt, the denial

I put on a mask and act normal
Only you see the real me
The darkness, the hurt, the pride

Refine me, clean me, renew me
Help me break this cycle
Give me strength when I am lost

November 2005

My Life As A Chandelier

I light a room with my presence
I am very high strung
I can be adorned with elaborate jewels and chains
I like to "hang out"
I’ve graduated from candle light to electric bulbs
I’ve lasted through centuries of change
I come in different shapes, styles and sizes
I grace the halls and ballrooms of some of the most beautiful homes and establishments
I am an exquisite chandelier

November 8, 2005

My Family Tree

My family is like a tree
My dad is the rings around the tree, acting as a time line
My mom is the roots, keeping us grounded
Jennifer is the leaves, fragile at times, but beautiful when healthy
Ryan is the bark, protecting those in need
Tim is the trunk because he stands firm through adversity
Holly is the flowers, delicate and beautiful
Phil is the sap, he stuck at home the longest
Dwayne, Kathleen, Clare, Cory and Lexi are the branches, joining our family and adding to it
Jonathan, Caleb, Nicky and Shanna are the seeds of a new generation
And I am the fruit, nurtured by my family until it’s time to be picked.

November 3, 2005

Message From The Lord

I am the way, truth and the life
Behold, I stand at the door and knock
If any one hears my voice and answers,
"The Lord is my refuge and fortress;
my God in whom I trust",
I will pour out a song of deliverance over him
For the plans of hope and a future
will be fulfilled as I have promised
No one can snatch him out of my hand
I am the Mighty Shepherd, Jehovah Nissi, Protector and Healer
I am with you always
All your days I have written
It is my desire to have a relationship
with all my children
and for them to meet in fellowship
and communion with Me.

December 25, 2004

Serenity

I walk by the hemlock trees
the heady scent from the blooms intoxicates me
The mysterious twilight is creeping in
Fog strides across the boardwalk like ghosts of past visitors
The waves beckon me, lapping against the exotic white sand
I step off the boardwalk to enjoy the cool serenity of the beach
Enjoying the silence and letting the darkness surround me
I let go of the world around me
and just
drift
away.

November 2005

I Love You

I love you
but I’m too afraid to say it
Afraid of rejection
Afraid of not measuring up

I love you
I watch the signs
And wonder if by any chance
You might feel the same way

I love you
I dream of the life we could have
Of how right it feels
When I think of you as part of my life

I love you
I love who I am when I’m with you
You inspire and guide me
Without even knowing it

I love you
Is it okay to say that to you
Some day I will find the words
To say

I love you!

November 8, 2005

Camp Memories

Whenever I smell pine trees and firewood
I am at camp in midsummer
and I am singing songs,
drinking hot chocolate,
listening to people’s testimonies
and laughing with friends.

The mosquitoes are feasting on the ones
who didn’t spray on enough bug spray
I can hear the loon calling on the lake
and wait for its partner to respond.

But this is not my story. My story is
the last wiener roast, the last good bye
from the rowdy campers
It is the frantic cleaning of the cabins
and taking one last look at the lake
It is the exhaustion on the ride home
It is the longing for next summer
When my story starts all over again
With new characters, problems and heroes.

October 2005

Gloom & Joy

Gloom is a grey and cloudy day
It sounds like a heavy rain
It tastes like charcoal in my mouth
It smells like a burnt piece of toast
Gloom feels like soggy clothing.

Joy is an innocent smile of a child
It sounds like a room full of laughter
Joy tastes like sweet candy
It smells like a field of wild flowers
Joy feels like a long awaited kiss.

October 2005

Never Gonna Be As Big

I’ve always looked up to a man
With a heart as big as the ocean
His hands were strong as the wind
His touch as gentle as a breeze

As a child I raced to be in his arms
"You’ve grown so much!"
These words I could count on
"I love you forever"
These words I’ll never forget

I’m never gonna be as big
Though I’ve grown taller than him
I’ll always look up to him
I’m never gonna be as big as Grampie

When I was down, I’d think of him
When he was near, frowns were far away
His way with words cheered up everyone
In the darkest times, his laughter could be counted on to bring light

A man of God with faith so strong
Any dream I had, he believed in
He gave me wisdom and taught me lessons
He showed me love when I felt unlovable

I’m never gonna be as big
Though I’ve grown taller than him
I’ll always look up to him
I’m never gonna be as big as Grampie

"Be Good" one of the last things he said to me
"I’ll love you forever" is what I’ll always remember

September 17, 2005

Friendship Tapestry

My friends are an intricate tapestry
I am the loom, giving strength and support
Breanna is the weaver, bringing everyone together
Katie is the background, bold and subtle all at once
Jessie is a royal blue thread, loyal and trustworthy
Robin is the design, obscure at first until the beauty is found
Lacey is a shining gold thread, brightening the picture with her presence
Belinda is the border, holding everyone together
Aaron is a red thread, striking and mysterious
Nicole is a tassel, many pieces to make one part
Brennan is the nail on the wall, holding us up
And Julia is the viewer, seeing things from a different perspective.

October 2005

Don't

Don’t make that face, it will freeze that way
Don’t talk to strangers
Don’t whine, appreciate what you have
Don’t talk back
Don’t swear at you brother, soap tastes bad
Don’t be so sassy
Don’t lie, the truth will find you
Don’t jump on the bed
Don’t sit so close to the t.v, you’ll go blind
Don’t eat dirt
Don’t steal the cookies, you’ll make yourself sick
Don’t get your clothes dirty
Don’t run out into the street, you’ll get hit
Don’t hit other kids, they might hit you back
Don’t pee your pants
Don’t pick your nose, your neck will cave in
Don’t forget to flush
Don’t threaten your sister with a knife
Don’t pick up garbage, its dirty
Don’t pull the cat’s tail or throw it at your brother
Don’t act crazy in public, its embarrassing
Don’t take candy from strangers
Don’t throw the cat in the tub, especially when people are in it
And never ever show people your private parts!

October 2005

Sensory Couplets

Did you ever smell the rain,
wet sprinkles, fresh crispness, dew drenched flowers.

Did you ever feel a smile,
heart warming, soul lightening, teeth sparkling.

Did you ever hear a sleigh ride,
snow swishing, hay crunching, bells jingling.

Did you ever taste plastic,
stretchy, squishy, suffocating.

Did you ever see anger,
red spots, boiling rage, explosion.

October 2005

Trapped

I see a little girl trapped inside of you
The sadness in her eyes breaks my heart
I watch her and feel her pain
Dread her fears, see each tear
She tries to cry out, but I can’t hear what she’s saying
It’s getting harder to see her
The Darkness is closing in

Now, more than ever, I feel afraid
For her, for me
I wish I could save her
Hold her in my arms
The Darkness catches her and she is gone

A few days pass and I see her again
Broken.
Her face is hard to make out
As if the Darkness has become a part of her
I can hear her voice now
"Why do I grieve for something I never had?"

I reach out to her and can feel her touch
She feels so close
Something in her eyes is very familiar
Like I’ve seen them before
No! It can’t be!
I’m not touching her anymore
I realize I’m only hugging myself
Her eyes are mine
She is me

I am trapped.

October 14, 2005

Childhood

Childhood is about making memories you carry with you for your whole life
I remember watching Fred Penner and Mr. Dress Up while eating apples every morning
I remember getting lost at the trade fair; following the wrong pair of legs until a police man saw me with the wrong people
I remember my wooden duck, pushing it around on the linoleum and listening to its feet flip-flap I remember old ugly, the tom cat that hung around our house
I remember rolling down the little hill by the apartments. When I was older I discovered the "big hill", and rolled down it!
I remember going through the haunted house Phil and Amanda made for me, because they made it just for me
I remember spending Christmas with Mrs. Bennet, my adopted grandma
I remember being chased by the black wolf from "The Never Ending Story" in my nightmares
Childhood is about learning things to shape who you are for the rest of your life.

October, 2005

Canadian Heartbeat

My heart is Canadian
A heart that beats inside of me and shines with pride
Pride for my people and my ancient heritage.

My heart breaks and longs to serve
Let us take the opportunities to help Canada
We have the most beautiful backyard; keep it beautiful.

My heart sings and smiles as I look at my country
It bursts and blazes like a prairie summer sunset
My heart dances with the Northern Lights.

My heart is Canadian
No matter where I go or end up
I will always remain Canadian.

What heart beats inside of you?

May 1, 2006

When It Ends

When it ends I'll cry no more.
When it ends I'll live in peace.
When it ends they'll have nothing to laugh for.
When it ends I'll sit on clouds like fleece.

When it ends I hope you'll never forget.
When it ends I'll remember you forever.
When it ends the cruel words I'll regret.
When it ends cry for me; never.

When it ends there will be many more dawns.
Even though it ends I'll always live on.

October 29, 2001

My Heart's Cry

Verse 1

My heart is yearning and searching
For the special one to fill the void
My flesh is longing and reaching
For a touch of love to satisfy
But Lord, You've promised
You'll always take care of me
Every need will be filled
In Your perfect timing
Only You can fill the emptiness
And the wanting I have for love

Chorus

Will I know him when I see him
Or will my heart be broken
By the one made for someone else?
Where do I go from here?
Father, I give you my life
Please give me your patience

Verse 2

Darling, I'm waiting for you
You are the only one for me
I pray for you
The man you are
And the man you are growing to be
I'm anticipating the day we meet
The day we join our lives together
The day we start our own family

Chorus

Will I know him when I see him
Or will my heart be broken
By the one made for someone else?
Where do I go from here?
Father, I give you my life
Please give me your patience

Verse 3

Although I don't know you right now
I'm hoping you'll see the love in my eyes
The love I have for you already
I praise God for the work He's doing in your life
I praise Him for the purpose and calling He's placed upon you

Chorus

Will I know him when I see him
Or will my heart be broken
By the one made for someone else?
Where do I go from here?
Father, I give you my life
Please give me your patience

February 24, 2005

The Music Of My Soul

A note is struck, a rumble fills the room
the audience holds its breath
the beginning cadences are beat out one after the other
energy consumes the heart of every man

The conductor's wand directs each note
introducing new instruments with every wave
deep emotion is captured and delivered
a soprano resounds throughout the amphitheatre
sending chills and raising hairs

The music softens, woodwinds slow the pace
the tune has become a faint heartbeat
with the lowering of the wand,
so stops the music
not a sound is made for many moments

With new fervor, the conductor strikes up a quick crescendo
the silence is conquered by cymbals and trumpets
the flutes trill, the violin bows dance upon the strings
the music spreads like fire, sending warmth and excitment to the listeners

The players return to normal time and continue the piece
still with energy they play the notes written down
and suddenly, as if in the middle of it all, they stop

I put down my pen, satisfied with the work thus far
For you see, I am the composer
and this is the music of my soul.

November 4, 2006

Infant's Dreams

The children are all sleeping,
the moon is shining bright.
The crickets are softly playing,
making music in the night.

Their tears and fears become your own,
and are enough to break your heart.
Dripping paint smeared across paper,
becomes a treasured work of art.

(First stanza written November 2, 2006; second stanza written November 4, 2006)

The Lighthouse And The Butterfly

There was once a lighthouse and a butterfly.
He brought shelter in a storm,
and she gave beauty to a rocky landscape.
As they grew together; his light spreading across the vast waters,
the butterfly decided it was time to spread her wings.
She travelled far and saw many beautiful things,
but always longed for the company of the lighthouse.
A great storm came, one that the lighthouse could not battle.
The butterfly sensed that something was wrong and tried to get back.
She tried to find her beloved friend, but it would seem
that he had gone where she could not follow.
Saddened, the butterfly stayed close to the rock upon which the lighthouse once stood.
One night she had a dream,
she was with her lighthouse again, warmed and protected by his light.
She awoke and found her dream had come true.
The lighthouse saw her and its light shone bright around her.
They were together once more, but were not forgotten.
His light saved many and her beauty brightened countless lives.
They were where no storms could reach them,
together forever, where no more pain could come.

In loving memory of Katherine Vaughn MetzMarch 28, 1925 - October 24, 2006
and Arthur Hamilton Metz
October 11, 1917 - September 17, 2005

October 26, 2006

This Well Is Running Dry

This well is running dry
One after another they reach in
Expecting the same refreshing
That came so easily before

It takes more effort than it should
To quench a thirsty traveller
A task once simple to fulfill
Now causes strain on the rope & pullies

The water has become farther away
Gone is the daily renewal
Forgotten are the times of renewing
The water's healing is nearly only a legend

Each lowering of the bucket
Brings the imminent dryness closer still
Perhaps it will be made in to a wishing well
Rocks filling up the bottom
Chipping away at the parched walls

The water itself is beginning to lose its quality
Becoming muddied and silty
Still the travellers come and drink
Hoping for more of its enlightenment

This well is running dry
Water is scarce and the rope is frayed
The next draw of the bucket takes effort
The expectant drinkers watch in disappointment
Nothing comes out

October 21, 2006

Cracked, Slightly Broken

Cracked, slightly broken
an earthen vessel on a shelf
Awaiting the day of renewal
To once again feel purpose

Cracked, slightly broken
yet this vessel remains together
The wound, although deep, isn't more
Than the handiwork can withstand

Cracked, slightly broken
seemingly forgotten and left to deteriorate
Patiently it sits upon the Potter's shelf
Knowing only He can repair the damage done

Cracked, slightly broken
the earthen vessel is placed upon a table
To be made new, it must let its Maker work
Beautiful once again, but not without going through the fire

Cracked, slightly broken
a heart still beats inside
Striving for beauty, yet
Afraid to trust the Potter and His refining fire

Cracked, slightly broken
the heart continues to fill itself up
All the effort is to no avail
As imitation love seeps through, widening the crevices of pain

Cracked, slightly broken
this heart has had enough
Tired of doing things on its own
She surrenders to her Maker

Cracked, slightly broken
a new experience is felt
Over flowing with love that is true
Love that repairs all past cracks

Cracked, slightly broken
are the hearts of many others
Seeing their pain and knowing true healing
The once crumbling heart ministers to ones as she once was

October 5, 2006

Blind Dates And Coffee Cups

Here she sits at a table for two
eyes open, yet unseeing of the beauty around her
People pass by,
sights and sounds are unnoticed and forgotten

I watch her play with the handle
of a cup of warm liquid
Ignoring the contents,
she is more fascinated with the vessel

Wondering what it is on her mind
that could bring such intense concentration
I, myself, sit and stare,
unaware of the very act

She checks her watch,
breaking her personal reverie
A look passes across her face;
I know not whether it is disappointment,
or resignation

A moment passes and as she rises to leave,
she looks at me and gives a smile;
A smile with beauty I've yet to see challenged

Here I sit at a table for two
thinking of the girl who was waiting
for me.

Sept. 26, 2006

To clear up confusion, this was written from a guy's point of view.

Only For You

This is a poem
and it is only for you
to show you that
my love is true

It's not for the rest
just only for you
I'm telling you now
that you are the best

You are more beautiful
than any simple flower
If you don't believe me
just give me an hour

Spend time in His Word
and seek His face
When battles are hard
together we'll finish the race

I write this for you
my sister through love
I pray that some day
we'll both find love that is true.

Sept. 16, 2006

Written for a dear friend in a time of need.

A Quick Song v. 1 & 2

1st Version:
Merry Christmas
Happy Easter
I don't know what these mean anymore
So I'll have a Happy Turkey Day
and give a salute to Victoria
Cuz' that's what 'Happy Holidays'
Means to me.

Version 2:
Merry Christmas
Happy Birthday
I don't know what these mean anymore
So I'll have a happy Hanukkah
And give a salute to George Washington
Cuz' that's what 'Happy Holidays'
Means to me.

May 3 and September 14, 2006

And Many More

Not one more year
Just one more day
One more day of being
Inconsistently
Consistent

Not one more smile
Just one more mask
One more mask that hides
Truthful
Deceit

How have I changed
If at all stayed the same
From a calendar ago
To now
Since then?

What is the use
Of this vicious cycle
That leaves in its wake
Wisdom and
Wrinkles?

Not one more year
Just three hundred sixty-five
Days of memory
Filled
Blocked

Not one more smile
Just one more tear
Hidden and brushed away
Moving
On

How will I change
If not stay the same?
I pray it won't be so
Only
Grow

What use will I be
In the cycle of other's lives
Will I gain from them
Wisdom
Wrinkles?

Not one more year
Just one more day
One more day
Filled with
Praise

Written on the eve of another year; September 13, 2006
This is what I did on the last night I was 18.

You Gave Me New Life

You asked me if I would
give You my heart
I held it tight and asked
what's in it for me?

You told me in exchange
I would gain life
All I had to do was follow
and trust in You

You said it wouldn't be easy
but well worth the pain
I knew what You said was true
and gave you my heart

You called me Beloved Child
and showed me joy
I expected to be hurt again
but wasn't because You are Love

September 6, 2006

I Gave You My Heart

You asked if you could
borrow my heart
I placed it in your hands
No strings attached

You took that heart
and placed it next to yours
Until their love pumped together
Making us one

You began to not show
any more interest
The love-flow weakened
Pain filled my heart

You gave my heart back
broken, bruised and weak
I looked through teary eyes wondering,
why did I ever trust you?

September 6, 2006

Artful Lies

Imperfections covered up by gossamer strands
tightly woven intricacies
give the appearance of beauty
while true beauty is suffocated
by artful lies

August 15,2006

Actshuns

You pass them in the hallways
but do they know you're there?
For thirteen years
you've lived out your lives
separate
together.

There was a time they noticed
but was it only fuel for gossip?
You learned your lesson
smile through the hard times
cry
alone.

Being trained to constantly act drains
but is there time to be real?
Showing them the off-stage you
could gain approval, or be
snatched
away.

Let your guard down and stop the madness
but are you ready?
To let all come into light
requires all involved to
be
ready.

These restraints have become a safety net
but are they only restraining you?
You've built up walls to protect
fortresses of lies and false happiness
stay
strong.

You perform for them with expertise
but is that what they're asking?
You're afraid that what they see
is your ticket freedom from getting
the
shun.

August 19, 2006

Am I?

Am I talking just to hear my voice?
Am I acting just to show how hard I tried?
Am I crying just to show these eyes haven't dried?
Am I bleeding just to know I'm alive?
Am I worrying just to pass the time?
Am I waiting for the day to pass just to let go of one last breath?
Am I starving just to pass the beauty contest?
Am I living just to pass into the next?
Am I writing just for a cry of attention?

Am I?

August 19, 2006

Hidden Lives and Silent Cries

Hidden lives and silent cries
Hope snatched away by
Empty looks and open stares
Escape inside of me

Cover up the open wound
Come give in again
To feel alive while knowing
That numbness returns

Step into my hard embrace
See if maybe this time
You measure up to impossibility
Yearning for false beauty

Mend once more the broken heart
Making bandages from
Half-truths and shallow confidence
Hearing the silent cries in a hidden life

August 6, 2006

How Do I Feel Safe?

Why can't I say how I feel?
Why can't I act how I feel?
Why can't I think how I feel?
Why can't I show you how I feel?

I can't say because words can't explain
I can't act because that's all I've been doing
I can't think because thinking brings more questions
I can't show you because you are never watching when I try.

Why can't I find a place that's safe?
Why can't I find an emotion that's safe?
Why can't I find a thought that's safe?
Why can't I find a part of you that's safe?

I can't find a place because I can't get away
I can't find a safe emotion because too much of one hurts
I can't find a thought because I won't quiet my mind long enough
I can't find a safe part of you because you are always changing, yet the same.

July 24, 2006

You

You make me want to sing
Even when I don't know the words
You make me want to dance
Even when I don't know the steps

You tell me a story
Without saying a word
You tell me I'm beautiful
Without knowing what you've said

You brighten my day
When everyone else has passed me by
You open doors and break down walls
When everyone else has given me reason to build more

You have brought hope
Back to where there was dispair
You have brought joy
Back to where there was sadness

You have made life
Fun to live again
You have made conversation
Fun to participate in

You have become a best friend
At the time I needed one the most
You have become a faith partner
When faith was diminished

You have become all these things
If only I could tell you face to face
You have become all these things
If only I knew your side of the story

July 22, 2006

Proverbs 31 Woman

She chooses wool and cotton
and sets the knitting needles to work.

She awakes in the night
and prays for her family and coworkers.

She sees potential in the dirt
and a garden grows from her insight.

She opens her arms to the poor
and her hands and heart to the needy.

She does not fear the snow;
she has clothed her family in warmth.

She has quilted a blanket for each bed
and their warmth is always appreciated.

She is clothed in fine fabric
and is admired by all for her youthfulness.

She makes clothing and toys
and sells them at the market for a fair price.

She provides others with her wares
and the world applauds her creativity.

She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks in kindness and wisdom
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She conducts her household with efficiency
and is not caught in idleness.

Let her children stand and bless her
and acknowledge her good works.

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
These are the words we praise her with.

Although outer beauty may fade,
the radiant light will shine forever.

This is a woman we should praise
for she fears and trusts the Lord in everything.

No earthly trinket can express
how much you mean to me.

I can only attempt to tell you
what an inspiration you have been.

To me and the world
you fulfill the woman of noble character.

So here’s to you, my true Proverbs 31 woman;
My mom.

May 14, 2006

Strength To Begin

I ask Why
as I cry myself to sleep
Knowing 'Why' will never be enough
to fix the pain

I ask How
as I look at the list
Knowing 'How' will never be enough
to start the healing

I ask Who
as I search for love
Knowing 'Who' will never be enough
to begin loving myself

I ask questions
as I try to understand
Knowing questions get me nowhere
and action is what I need

To be able
to start this long process
Will take more strength and courage
than I know

I ask You
to give me what I need
Knowing You alone are enough
to heal this wounded spirit

June 2, 2006

Fire Inside

Scratch, claw, break
fire rushes through

Scream, lie, believe
fire dies inside

Fight, pull, fall
fire all around

Grab, reach, miss
fire goes out.

June 7, 2006

To Whom It May Concern

To those who said I was ugly, too plain, imperfect
I AM made me beautiful, unique and precious

To those who said I couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't
I AM said I can, will, and should

To those who said I'm too weak, dumb or unable
I AM made me strong, intelligent and capable

To those who said I won't go with you
I AM said "I am always with you"

To those who said I don't love you
I AM said "My love is enough"

To those who didn't believe, trust or accept me
I AM gave me faith, hope, love and trust

To those who gave encouragement, guidance and wisdom
I AM says "Inasmuch unto the least of these, you've done unto me"

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

June 25, 2006

My Version of Amos 4:6-11

I gave you a full stomach
and an abundance of bread
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

I showered rain on you
enough for the harvest still to come
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

I have given the people enough to drink
not withholding the waters from them
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

I have kept the pests from your garden
so it can grow and be a great source of food for you
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

I keep you safe from famine and disease
and protect you from the sword
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

I saved you from the fire
from the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah
and yet you have not returned to me
declares the Lord

This is so true in my life right now. God keeps showering me with blessings and I complain about the things that I feel are absent in it.

June 14, 2006

So Much For Love

He came as a child
Helpless just like us
So much for love

He went against the norm
Defying laws of physics and probability
So much for love

He loved the unlovable
Taking away their shame
So much for love

He gave his time for others
Leaving no one unheard
So much for love

He laid down his life
Doing God's will and not his own
So much for love

He paid the highest price
Clearing our debt and redeeming us
So much for love

He sacrificed it all
So that we could have everything
So much for love

He gave us so much
So much time, so much forgiveness
So much, for love.

May 17, 2006

Two Can Play

You're surprised at my grace and form
You marvel at my cunning agility
Did you think I would fail
Again?

You ask me where I learned my skill
You wonder who could be this great
Do you really not know
It is you.

Two can play at this game
You're not the only one who knows
I learned at your side
Over so many years.

You made me who I am
You are who I'm not
I will never be you
You will never be me.

You're everything I never want to be
I see your flaws and watch you fall
As I see these things in me
I stop.

I will not be you
I will beat the game
You try so hard
And fail.

It is true
Two can play this game
But only one will win
Me.

I learn from your mistakes
They are like ripples
Did you honestly think
You were the only player?

You think yourself a champion
You don't see what I see
What everyone else sees
You are blinded.

With every round
You are blinded even more
Blinded by denial
And truth.

You might think you're winning
But really you're only hurting yourself
Making me stronger
And wiser.

It may seem that you've already won
You see your opponent
Broken and wounded
Barely breathing.

The field is tense
A hush falls over the crowd
As the two face off
The end is near.

Only one can win
This is universally accepted
What will I choose
Fight or flight?

To flee would mean you've won
And this will never be
To fight could mean
Death.

A white flag is dropped
I have surrendered
Not to you, never,
To Him.

Two are still in play
In my place is the One
For you see, its over
He's already won.

It doesn't matter anymore
All your best tricks fall short
He's seen them all
And won't be fooled.

Although you've taught me well
There is one greater than even you
He taught me through love
Not hate.

You and I could never win
No matter how long we fought
There is no other way
But surrender.

The ball is now in your court
I will no longer participate
You make the next move
You decide.

May 9, 2006